A Letter to My Little Lion

A Letter to My Little Lion

Dear Rory, 

I have waited so long to meet you! Your daddy and I are going crazy with anticipation. I am overwhelmed by the thought that in a few short days, I will be able to hold you in my arms! 

Even before you are born, you are already teaching me so much. You are reminding me that as your mother, I am your guide. Despite any plans I make for you, you will follow your own path. As your guide, I am here to help you find your way, to protect you, to teach you, and to inspire you to be the best version of yourself. 

You have yet to make your appearance into the world, but I already love you more than I knew ever possible. I’ve been crying every day that I cannot hold you in my arms. You have inherited my persistence; it will help you achieve your goals throughout life.

I will do my best to teach you to be adventurous. That fear is inevitable, which is okay, but that you can do hard things despite feeling that fear. The world is full of adventure, but you must be willing to embrace all of the emotions that come with it. 

I promise to try my best to welcome you into this world, without expectation. I will do my best not to project my ideas, the should’s and should not’s that I have learned over a lifetime on who you are as a human. I want to teach you to be open-minded, to think critically, and to form your own opinions. That differences are to be embraced and appreciated, not feared or rejected. I want to teach you to speak up for your beliefs, for yourself, for others that need your help, and to do so respectfully. 

These are my goals and wishes that I have for us, my Little Lion. I cannot wait to teach you all of these lessons as well as sharing the world with you! We live in an amazing place, minutes from the ocean, miles from the desert, and a short drive from the mountains. I will show them all to you and teach you the power and beauty of our home here on earth. We will travel and experience cultures from around the world. Everyday you will be surrounded by love, from me, from Daddy, and your two doggy brothers. We have all been waiting patiently to meet you. We love you so much! 

All the love in my heart,

Mommy

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Gratitude list

Gratitude list

I read that a gratitude list helps cope with the last weeks of pregnancy and SUPER anticipation (read- anxiety) of my little one. So here it goes.

  1. I am grateful for my husband- seriously couldn’t make it through this without his willingness to listen to me complain and ability to make me laugh. Laughter is important right now.  IMG_7304
  2. I am grateful for my career. It is a big part of my identity, although not completely perfect, I’m grateful for the flexibility it is giving me now.
  3. I am grateful for my powerful body, still nurturing my fetus. I feel tired & uncomfortable. I have sporadic pains. I don’t even remember what “normal” feels like. But my body continues to stay healthy and support my fetus. I couldn’t ask for anything more. IMG_7294
  4. I am grateful for my baby’s movement. Seriously. This kid is going to whip my ass back in shape in no time! Feeling him move will be the one thing that I miss about pregnancy.
  5. I am grateful for the unconditional love from my dogs. Seriously, they are such troopers as I’ve become more of a homebody. And they let me snuggle them, and constantly watch my every move.
  6. I am grateful for the beautiful weather in May, in San Diego. Hot enough, but not uncomfortable. Daily beach walks = sanity.
  7. I am grateful for daily talks and texts  with my favorite people!
Surviving week 40

Surviving week 40

I’ve officially made it to month 10 of pregnancy. After 9 months, my patience is wearing thin. I’ve turned to my friend google to try to figure out what has worked for others during this last 1-2 weeks of gestation, and continuing to work after my due date. I learned that most women who have time & energy to contribute to the noise of the internet at this stressful point of transition, are extremely priviledge. So, instead of saying how you can navigate this time, here are some guidelines for EVERYONE ELSE in our culture, on what they can do to not be a fucking asshole. And of course, take into consideration who you are dealing with. This is limited to my own experience, but you can taylor it to fit the woman you are dealing with.

What NOT to say to a past-due pregnant woman:

1. What? Still no baby?

2. You’re still here? (especially at work)

3. Here’s a horrible story about ceserian birth

4. Have you tried xyz to start labor?

5. Here’s what happened to my wife to start labor.

Remember, she is barely holding it together. This time is not about your curiosity, think before speaking.

Things you can say to a past-due woman:

1. “Here, I brought you ice cream.”

2. “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

3.  Best of all, offer some authentic encouragement, “I think you’ll really get a kick out of giving birth I would’ve loved to do it several more times but just didn’t need all those babies”

Stay strong Mamas!

 

Growing Hearts, Growing Family

Growing Hearts, Growing Family

Dear Badger,

You came into our lives less than 2 years ago, yet it seems like a lifetime. You have completely changed Ian and me. Before you, we did not believe that we could give up our selfish lifestyle of going and doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. You showed me that love overcomes that. That I am capable of sacrifice for love; yes, I knew this from marriage, but our love is different. You actually NEED us, and depend on us for life. If I have something to do, I know that Ian can care for himself- feed himself and relieve himself. You showed me that love makes any inconvenience okay. Love makes me not care when I have to improvise how to clean up your poop, when I run out of poop bags on our walk. Love has shown me that caring for another being is far more important than going out, working, and working out. It is not a burden to stay home, I actually enjoy slowing down and spending time with you. And this love is not finite. In fact, it grows exponentially. You have shown me that I have more love in me to give. That I am not as selfish as I once was, that I do in fact have a motherly instinct. You might be the best life teacher I’ve had in my adult life. I love you, Badger.

You know that we adopted your brother, Rocco, almost a year ago. With your guidance, he has grown from a little puppy into a sweet young boy.

Adopting a puppy was so much more work than expected. House training took longer than expected; obedience training has taken a long time (adult dogs typically come knowing basic commands); outings take more planning – and patience! Our family grew, and our love continues to grow! You have taught your dad and I to work as a team, to split the work and help each other out when we need to. All of this, preparing us for the next big step: welcoming the newest addition to our family, a human puppy- a baby!

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Your newest little brother will be joining us in a couple short months! I am so excited to meet him. We don’t get to pick him, like we picked Rocco. This is the little guy that we made, and we know he’s the right match for us. I can’t wait for you to meet him. I can’t wait to see you with him. I know you will be a caring big brother, a wonderful nanny dog.

Thank you, Badger, for the love you have given me, the love you brought out of me, and for convincing us that our pair should actually be a pack.

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Build the Sisterhood

Build the Sisterhood

Build the Sisterhood – the first principle of flight, a manifesto of the Oiselle Volée. Probably the number one reason I joined Volée. From the manifesto it reads:

“We are only as strong as the bonds we build. And while most of us have them, we want to do more. We want to raise the ante in showing how women can support other women. To go further with the sisterhood …fostering strength and leadership not just in competition, but through every action, every day.” – See more at: http://www.oiselle.com/blog/oiselle-team-manifesto

As I settle into my new life, back in sunny Southern California, I am doing a lot of soul searching.  What do I want my life to look like?  The first thing I do when trying to figure out how to do anything, is look around and see how other people are doing it.  So, I’ve spent a lot of time then, thinking about the women around me, their lives, and what it looks like.  I have an amazing collection of sister heroes that I will highlight here.  These are the stories of my #sisterheroes.

A hero is a person idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. These women are just that: fierce, strong and full of courage to dream big dreams and reach their goals no matter how big or how small.

 There are so many inspirational women out there, I hope to continue to write about those near me.  As the name implies, I plan to focus on women I view as peers, friends, and colleagues, but will not omit those I see as mentors as this series evolves.

Momento Mori

Momento Mori

“Remember that you will die.”

The brevity of life is part of what makes it so special.  When I think about death, I am not really afraid.  No, I don’t want to die, but eventually I will. Instead, I want to make my life here on earth as full of meaningfulness as possible.  Over the past couple of years, I’ve changed my perspective of time an priority.  I heard on Running on Om, a great podcast by Julia Hanlon about life and running and great people, an analogy that the time left you have left in life is like a savings account, and its up to you how to spend your time.  I love this analogy.  Reflecting on death puts a limit to the time you have saved and really forces you to live to the fullest.  I am intentionally focusing on trying to make my relationships more meaningful, not that I valued them less before, but that this is really a priority for me and I want to put my energy into meaningful relationships.

Death or injury can come from anywhere.  Do what you love, with the people you love. Life is too short not to. And don’t forget to #WomanUp2016

Writing prompt from my hero, Lauren Fleshman

Writing prompt from my hero, Lauren Fleshman

In her blog, Ask Lauren Fleshman, Lauren gives the writing prompt, to put pen to paper and write for 2 minutes. “What I really remember about that meal was…

…trying to eat with chopsticks, but anxiety making my hand shake so uncontrollably I could barely get food into my mouth.  I know this is where I belong, but this is not what I should be doing. Discounting my intuition makes me so unhappy.”

I’ve been searching for inspiration, and  am being drawn to the topic of anxiety, something I’ve suffered from without even noticing for years, even decades perhaps. I hope to use this medium to investigate the anxiety I feel and how to perform (in sport career, and life) despite fear and feelings of uncertainty.